After the excitement of yesterday, my friend asked me me how I felt and how was my day? I couldn’t answer her. I just didn’t have the words in any sort of order in my head to justify the feelings I had to be able to answer her question. There were so many words, thoughts and feelings that yesterday bought me. So, I slept on it, with a few glasses of bubbles to help me on my way; and my answer to her question is this:
“You were conceived only a few short months ago, and from day one of you growing inside me you made me feel. Feel things that I never thought I would feel. Feel things that I often feel and often at the same time.
Our first few weeks weren’t easy, I didn’t really think that I wanted you, or even needed you. I didn’t know how to make you grow, or how I wanted you to look. I didn’t know what use you would be to me or anyone else for that matter. I was sceptical.
But then you were named. Just like that, it just came to me, like a message that you were indeed meant to be born. I had a tiny glimpse of what you might look like. I started to learn how to help you grow. That in itself was hard. I went through stages of feeding you then starving you. Stopping and starting.
Slowly but surely you developed, one word at a time a picture here and a link there. I kept getting advice and help on how to make you better, how to make you perfect; more often than not the advice was just to get you out. Deliver you. Get you out into the world.
I was afraid to birth you. What if I didn’t like you, didn’t like what you were or would turn into? But my greatest fear was what others would think. It always has been. Giving birth hurts.
So the day came, it was like a planned induction. I knew exactly the time you would arrive. I was anxious, apprehensive, excited, and fearful; you name the feeling and I had it. I wanted the time to arrive, but I also wanted to halt time, to keep things as they were. I knew my life was about to be altered, was I ready? Was I really ready for the journey that you would bring me?
The time had arrived. I was seated, taking a quiet moment to pause and reflect on the great people in my life that had bought me to this very moment. The people that I will be forever grateful to for seeing something in me that I was yet to see, for gently encouraging me to explore things I would never have thought to explore. It was in this quiet moment that you were born. The Emerging Chook.
I sat there in wonder as people visited and offered words of congratulations, love, support, and encouragement. Telling me words that made me cry, made me smile, made me laugh, I felt bloody awesome!! I sat there thinking maybe this won’t be so bad or hard after all. I looked on as friends shared you with their friends, passing you around for all to see. Proud and willing to help you grow.
Like all things that are born, you will need nurturing, love, and encouragement. I know there will be times when we will find it hard move forward. There will be more tears and moments of “what the f*&k are we doing”. There will be times of curiousness, of going through the stages of life, the ups and downs. As we travel through the unknown journey of our life together, we will be blessed with the community that surrounds us; this is what I love most about you being born.”
Thank you everyone for jumping on board xx