I’ve been feeling quite out of sorts that last week or so. Neither sad or happy; upset or cheerful. I’ve been feeling like I’m just meandering through the days, keeping my body and mind busy, so that I don’t think about Sunday – Mother’s Day. Ignorance is bliss as the saying goes.
A day that we are supposed to celebrate all things “mum”. But for the 3rd year in a row, my beautiful mum is not here to help me celebrate the day. No longer are there fancy morning teas, special lunches or roast dinners. No longer do I get to spend time trawling through the card stands to find the perfect card; or flicking through the junk mail to get gift ideas.
The advertising is everywhere I turn; on the TV, in the newspaper, and on social media. I really can’t avoid it. As much as I want to, it’s there, front and centre. Buy this, buy that, spoil her, don’t forget the flowers or chocolates. Your mum will love this or treasure that.
I get upset at all the competitions. “Win this for your Mum”; or “Have this experience with your Mum”. Even this morning on the radio you could ring in and leave a message for your mum.
I feel like screaming – she is not here!!! I can’t enter your stupid competitions or leave a message as she is not here!! I would love for there to be competitions for those without mothers. I would love for there to be a phone direct to quilting heaven.
This year, I’ve really had to focus on ME for Mother’s Day. I forgot that I too are a mother, even though I don’t have a mother. This doesn’t sit well with me; I really don’t crave or want the attention. I don’t want to be fussed over. And lets face it, with a house full of males that really is not a reality anyway!!
I’ve realised this year that I have come so far in my grief and dealing of mum’s passing, that I feel almost, nearly ready to put ME front and foremost for the day.
I’ve told my boys that all I want is to not cook for the day. So either my husband has to cook (good luck with that!) or we go out or we get take away. Mstr 10 has his footy game during the day, so I’m looking forward to cheering him on.
I do need to honour mum though. I need to start something meaningful for this special day that I can do every year; start a new tradition.
I’m not sure what though.
So my thinking cap is on.
Do you have any ideas for me?